Internet Addiction – Controlling The Habit

Internet Addiction – Controlling The Habit

by | Aug 24, 2017 | Positive People

Internet-Addiction-Iamge

“Addiction begins with the hope that something ‘out there’ can instantly fill up the emptiness inside.”

-Jean Kilbourne

It is very easy to take internet usage at face value.  However, Internet Addiction has been diagnosed as a new clinical disorder that causes relational, occupational, and social problems.  This compulsion is a global issue that begins in the early formative years and continues through to adulthood, middle age and beyond . Given the popularity of the Internet, detecting and diagnosing Internet addiction is often difficult as its legitimate business and personal use mask addictive behaviour (Young, 2010). A study in the US estimated that nearly one in eight Americans exhibits one possible sign of problematic Internet usage.  It is most likely that this is a global trend.

The change in technology brings with it new challenges and problems.  As the Internet rapidly moved into homes, schools and businesses, early studies estimated that nearly 6% of users suffered from Internet addiction and this may very well be the tip of the iceberg as reliance on computers and mobile phones continues to increase.  We work, find love, friends, and entertainment via the internet as well.  All of which is very appealing.   

What are some of the symptoms of Internet Addiction?

  • Preoccupation with the internet
  • An inability to control usage
  • Hiding or lying about the behaviour to family, friends and employers
  • Psychological withdrawal – switching off from what’s going on around you
  • Continued use despite consequences of the behaviour
  • Feeling restless, irritable, depressed or moody when not using the internet
  • Jeopardizing relationships, employment/work, and education opportunities because of internet use
  • Using the internet as a way of escaping reality and problems, relieving negative feelings or depressed mood
  • Losing track of time
  • A sense of euphoria when online and panic when offline
  • Feelings of guilt at the amount of time spend on line
  • Physical discomfort – back pain, dry eyes, weight gain, sleep disturbances
  • Reduction in time communicating with family members and cessation of social activities with loved ones – all of which need nurturing for relationships to thrive
  • Denial of internet habit with the rationalizing that it is part of the job or study requirement

    Addiction is a family disease… one person may use,
    but the whole     family suffers.

Tips for tackling Internet Addiction:

  • Set a time for your internet usage.  Use a clock with an alarm if you need to
  • Set goals as to what you wish to achieve on the internet – be specific in these goals and the time allocated.  Stick to it.
  • Ask yourself “Is what I am doing on the internet eroding that time my family and I get to spend together?”  
  • There is life beyond the internet.  Instead of going online, take a walk, read a book, call a friend or visit someone you haven’t seen for a time.
  • Lead by example when it comes to teaching your children about responsible internet usage.   Ask yourself…”What is that I want my children to learn about the internet and mobile phones?”  
  • Learn to develop coping skills – to deal with stress, frustration, anger and other emotions.
  • See a therapist who uses Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and can help you through this challenging time of dealing with internet addiction.  
  • Call a hotline or seek out a support group.  You are not alone.
  • If family voice their concern about the time you spend on the internet, it is because they care.  They deserve the time to be heard.
  • Internet settings/strategies:
    • Turn off unnecessary notifications
    • Keep your screen simple and clean
    • Only have one program open at a time
    • Use a news aggregator which allows you to look at your favourite websites in one place.
        eg. Feedly and Digg Reader
  • Delete unused or useless accounts
  • Download or buy an internet-blocking app which will restrict internet time.
  • Develop new hobbies – there’s a whole world of activities for you to enjoy.
  • Test out whether you are deluding yourself about your degree of reliance on the internet.  
    • Check out  … Internet Addiction Test (IAT) – Dr Kimberly Young Partner’s Internet Addiction Test (counselling resource)

“A habit cannot be tossed out the window, It must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.”
-Mark Twain

 

 

Positive People work at Communication in Relationships

Positive People work at Communication in Relationships

by | Aug 24, 2017 | Positive People, Positive Relationships

“Some people change their ways when they see the light, others when they feel the heat.”

-Caroline Schoeder

Communication is at the heart of healthy relationships.  Good communication is the life blood of enduring love and intimacy. For so many what starts off as ‘We just clicked and I knew we had a connection on so many levels’ eventually becomes, frighteningly, like ‘Entering a war zone.’  

The last thing that any one of us wants is to have a relationship become ‘A dead duck in the water.’  Before the relationship is ‘beyond resuscitation’ there are some tips and suggestions worthy of consideration and implementation…..

What’s at the heart of a positive relationship?

  1. Respect
  2. Honesty
  3. Trust
  4. Encouragement
  5. Spontaniety
  6. Variety
  7. Setting clear boundaries
  8. To be loved
  9. To be wanted
  10. To be seen
  11. To be listened to
  12. To be safe
  13. To be remembered for your strengths rather than misdemeanours (minor wrongdoing)

Positive and smart conversations start with…

  • Thought
  • Clarity of intention
  • Consideration of the other person’s/recipient’s position
  • Applying philosophical filters – Consider Socrates…
    • Is what you are about to say… true?
    • Is what you are going to say… something good?
    • Is what you are going to say… useful?
  • Focus on solutions

“Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.”           

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Listening is a commitment and compliment.

By giving your partner your full attention, acknowledgement, appreciation and acceptance instead of blame, there will be a major shift in how they listen and respond to your show of care and concern.

All people have specific and simple needs..

Consider what can be said and done which will make them feel immediately loved. Why not ask…”Is there a couple of times when you felt really loved by me? I would genuinely appreciate knowing.”

None of us are mind readers!

We all like to think that we are obvious in our intentions, thoughts and feelings.  Not so!  If you aren’t saying it clearly, your partner remains in the dark.  

6 Ways to better communication with your partner….

  1. Small talk is OK.  It’s those insignificant details that are likely to improve close emotional ties with your partner.
  2. Talk about things that you have in common.  Working together on solutions often comes from sharing those incidental discussions.
  3. Listening cements our connection with each other.  It’s about understanding.  If you’re uncertain seek clarification.  For example…”Sorry, could I just ask you about that?”  …   ‘Joe, is what you’re saying….”
  4. Don’t assume you know the answers.  Ask the question, seek clarification!
  5. It’s fine to talk about yourself, but don’t take over.  It’s a balancing act – talk and listen, with the emphasis on being a good listener.
  6. Search for and nurture those hidden shared moments.

Love is a verb.  It’s an action word!

Love has to be kindled and built on every day; it has to be invited in, nurtured and cultivated.  Love is not passive, it’s an active process – the continual expression of what’s in your heart, mind and soul.

“Communication must be HOT.
That’s Honest, Open, and Two-Way.”

-Dan Oswald

10 Commandments of Clean Communication
(Couple Skills, McKay et al)

“Clean communication is taking responsibility for the impact of what you say.”

    1. Avoid ‘you’ messages of accusation and blame.  Eg.  ‘You caused me to….’
    2. Avoid loaded terms and words of judgement… ‘You’re so….’ ‘I’m tired of your……’ ‘If you were more reasonable….’
    3. Avoid ‘Global labels’.  Global labels are a blanket attack on a person’s character or behaviour.  It makes a person feel helpless, particularly if it is anchored to a partner’s sense of identification or personality.
      For example… ‘You’re always so self centred’    ‘You’re such a …..’
    4. Endeavour to use “I feel statements’ rather than verbally attack your partner.
    5. Avoid negative comparisons… ‘You’re so petty, just like….’
      This response can be likened to a slap in the face because most people like to think that they have evolved to those of previous generations.  Making negative comparisons makes the other feel that they can never measure up.

“History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived,
But if it is faced with courage, need not be lived again.”
-Maya Angelou

  1. Forget old history. Leave the past in the past rather than raking it up time after time.  Resurrecting old issues isn’t going to resolve the current concern.
  2. Threats are about punishment.
    Eg.  ‘If you don’t get your act together…’  ‘If you continue being like this….’ The upshot of threats is that it is an ultimatum, the last resort.  It drives a deeper wedge into relationships and may lead to the end of your relationship.
  3. Focus on your feelings rather than using them in attack.  By being withdrawn, using sarcasm, or employing cold hostility – it all leads to feelings in your partner of being overwhelmed or psychologically bludgeoned to the heart.  This is where the ‘I feel’ statements are so powerful.  Together with a calm and level voice, it acts as a balm to a challenging situation.  Open body language and being receptive creates an atmosphere of sincerity, and a willingness to communicate more effectively.

  4. Choose your battles carefully as well as the battle ground.  Aim for a truce; a treaty of respect for differences.

    “Feelings are much like waves, we cannot stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.” –Jonatan Martensson

  5. Use clear, whole messages which consist of 4 parts…
    Observations   – keep them neutral not focused on the person
    Thoughts – My idea/thought   ‘I worried because’
    Feelings – ‘I’m afraid that…’  ‘I feel ….’
    Needs/wants – No one is a mind reader…talk to your partner!It’s where you tell your partner something that may be difficult to hear, but you sandwich it in between two positive statements.  For example,
    ‘Harry, I love you so much and you make me so happy, but I’m having a hard time with you working such long hours.  Do you think it would be possible to make an effort to spend more time with me? Our time together is precious, and special.  I love it when we can spend more time together.”

Be mindful of the filtering block in communication.

Filtering is where you fit and process information so that it fits your views and beliefs.  It’s where you listen to some things and not to others, or hear what you want to hear (even if it wasn’t said).  Sometimes it is referred to as ‘half listening.’  Check in!  Be mindful and clarify by asking questions.  Be committed to understanding.

By listening carefully and effectively, we can change communication in a way that is rewarding mentally, socially and even financially (networks/work).  The flow-on effect is improved confidence as people respond to your new skills and behaviour.  This reinforcement encourages you and others to continue with effective listening skills and enhanced communication through clarification and engagement.  This can be a turning point in your relationships both personally and professionally.  After all, we all want that win, win result.  

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

-Dr. Seuss

 

Positive People Manage Their Anger

Positive People Manage Their Anger

by | Aug 24, 2017 | Positive People, Positive Relationships

“Anger is one letter short of danger.”
–Eleanor Roosevelt

Feeling angry is a normal and healthy emotion and is not a problem in itself. Anger is an emotion that can range from mild annoyance to intense rage.  How we cope with and express uncontrolled anger can either spur us into addressing our responses (personally) and it’s impact/consequences on our relationships (family). Anger can be viewed as: a) event b) mood c) resentment d) verbal abuse e) physical abuse f) retaliation g) communication breakdown.  Even this is an over simplification of a complex chain of events that can lead to the ‘death of a relationship.’

What causes anger…

Think of anger as a cycle… it’s a reaction to a feeling… but it’s more than that too.

Using a framework used by Cognitive Behaviour Therapists, the process or Framework of Cognitive Distortions – Automatic Thoughts  may be viewed as follows:

When we break it down there are sequences/questions to be asked…

  1. What is it  (event ) that gets to you and pushes your buttons?  
  2. What are your resulting thoughts?  
  3. What do your thoughts bring out in your feelings? (Embarrassment, Hurt, Sadness, Frustration, Stress, Jealousy, Fear)
  4. What does anger do to you behaviourally ?.. maybe it’s  the ‘fight/flight’ response…
  5. What do you do about anger?  Do you retaliate, scream/yell, get physical, threaten, throw objects, seek solace in alcohol/drugs?   Important question….how would or does your partner respond to your actions?  Play that video in your mind…How would you sum up the scene?   Most likely it’s not a pleasant one.
  6. OK, what could you do differently and constructively?

“Anger is a sign that something needs to change.”

-Mark Epstein

When is anger a challenge?

When anger creates challenges/difficulties in your dealings with other people at some level i.e. personally, socially or at work. It can lead to poor communication or misunderstandings which can result in anger.

What are the signs that anger may be a problem?

  • Feeling angry a lot or most of the time
  • Anger involves some or all of the following…verbal, emotional, physical or psychological abuse
  • Anger is leading to difficulties in relationships ie personal or professional/work
  • Anger lingers after the trigger event has passed
  • Anger has that flow on effect into situations other than the original event
  • Feeling anxious or depressed about your anger
  • Using alcohol or drugs to manage anger
  • Using anger as a way of getting what you want
  • Using anger as a ‘power trip’ to ensure you have the upper hand

What are the symptoms of anger?

  • Tightness in the chest
  • Pounding heart
  • Sweating
  • Shaking
  • Gritting your teeth
  • Raising of your voice
  • Pacing
  • Clenching of hands
  • Breathing becoming more rapid
  • Being defensive or snappy
  • Bouts of losing your sense of humour
  • Being over critical of loved ones or other people
  • Feeling argumentative

Using anger management, and what is it?

‘Anger management’ isn’t about ignoring your feelings or waiting for the moment to pass.

It is about how to deal with anger more effectively and reducing the degree (of anger) that is being experienced – ‘not letting the pot get too full and its contents spilling over or where it reaches boiling point.’

Tips for managing your anger…

  • Count to 30 (or more) – It’s about diverting your thinking for a short time so that you can avoid getting caught up in the moment and venting your anger.
  • Time out! – When anger starts building is the perfect time to walk away from the situation.  Change the scenery, deep breaths, calming your mind and body.  If possible both parties should create a little space.
  • Think before you speak.  It’s so easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment.  This is the dangerous time when words are spoken that cannot be taken back and regret can come into its own.  
  • Get physical – by that I mean get some exercise!  Physical exercise helps to reduce stress.  If you feel the anger rising, it’s time to start walking, fast, or running.  That pent up anger needs an outlet to burn itself out!  If going to the gym is an option, then keep it enjoyable.  Meeting gym buddies certainly couldn’t hurt.
  • Download an app to help you unwind.  You could try the Reachout Breathe app or you may be able to find others through research and enquiry.  Meditation is excellent if you are able to relax.
  • What was the event all about?  What led to the feelings of anger?  Remember the Framework Distortions – Automatic Thoughts as highlighted above.  Practice it religiously when it all gets a little too much.  This method could help you with future problem solving in various aspects of your life.  Persevere.
  • When you are calm is the time to address what made you angry.   This is the time to introduce “I feel” statements rather than attack the other person (verbally).
  • Address the behaviour rather than focusing on the person.  Address the situation – distance yourself emotionally and look at the issue as a challenge that has been written down and placed on the table in front of you both for discussion.
  • Problem solving should be a collaborative process where strategies leading to the resolution of an issue is the objective.
  • Communication is everything!  A good way of productive/positive communication is to introduce the ‘sandwich method’ of good communication.  By this you look at the two layers of (bread) which are positive statements.  In between is the filling where a concern or issue in brought into the discussion.  So, you have a positive layer, the matter that’s an issue (negative layer), followed by another positive layer.  There is more about this aspect of communication in my blog articles.
  • Home is your sanctuary.  If the problems arose from outside influences, the rule is, where possible, to leave frustrations at the door.  Home is for calmness, respect and safety.
  • If there is still an ongoing problem and your anger is escalating, seek counselling from a reputable and qualified therapist.  Together you and your therapist can find a way to create a more positive relationship by exploring some of the culprits that may have led to your anger ie depression, anxiety, stress, history of violence. You are entitled to a better life and so are those close to you.

“Fear is the path to the dark side.  Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”

-Yoda

Hoarding – From Clutter To Simplicity

Hoarding – From Clutter To Simplicity

by | Aug 24, 2017 | Positive People

Hoarding clutter to simplicity

“It’s not about deciding what I do or don’t need.
It’s not even about knowing what I should or shouldn’t keep.
It’s about understanding what I can handle.”
-Dana White

Hoarding is as old as time. In ancient times if you got tired of the clutter, you simply buried it. Archaeologists would probably agree with the adage “ One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” On a serious note, people have very different ideas about what it means to have a cluttered home. For some, it may be a small pile of belongings in a corner of an otherwise well-ordered room. For others, when there is only a small narrow pathway between one room or another may still be considered OK, and in extreme cases, this attachment with access issues continues throughout the house. This is when hoarding ‘extremism’ comes into its own. In a r percentage of situations the attachment to ‘things’ goes beyond the house to swallowing up space in the backyard and/or front yard.

What is the diagnostic criteria for Hoarding Disorder?

  1. Persistent difficulty parting with or discarding possessions, regardless of their actual value.
  2. The difficulty is due to a perceived need to save the items and to avoid the stress associated with discarding them.
  3. The difficulty of discarding possessions results in further accumulation of possessions that congest and clutter active living areas.  In so doing the clutter compromises the intended use of those areas.  Often it is only through the intervention of a third party (family members, cleaners, or authorities) that the matter is addressed.
  4. The hoarding causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning (including keeping a safe environment for self and others).
  5. That the hoarding is not caused by another medical condition (e.g., brain injury, cerebrovascular disease, Prader-Willi syndrome).
  6. The hoarding cannot be explained by symptoms of another underlying mental disorder (e.g., Obsessive-compulsive disorder, lowered energy in major depressive disorders, delusions in schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder, cognitive deficits in major neurocognitive disorder, restricted interests in autism spectrum disorder).

The most frequent form of acquisition is excessive buying, followed by attainment of free items (e.g., leaflets, papers, items left on the curbside for collection).  

When does hoarding begin?

Hoarding appears to begin early in life and continues well into the late stages.  The symptoms may first emerge around ages 11-15 years, and start interfering with the person’s everyday functioning by the mid 20’s, and causes significant impairment / problems by the mid 30’s.  In a nutshell, hoarding continues increasing with each decade of life.  

What are the other risk factors?

Temperament:  indecisiveness is a prominent feature of individuals who hoard.  Anxiety may also be another contributing factor.
Environment:  individuals with hoarding disorder often retrospectively report stressful and traumatic life events prior to the onset of the disorder or which caused the hoarding to become worse.
Genetic and physiological:  Hoarding is familial (starts in families), with about 50% of individuals who hoard reporting having a relative who also hoards (or hoarded).
Cultural:  Data suggests that hoarding is a universal phenomenon with consistent clinical features.
Gender related Diagnostic Issues:  both sexes are represented, but females tend to display more excessive acquisition, particularly excessive buying, than do males.
Trauma:  Traumatic events exacerbate hoarding as a coping mechanism.
Social isolation:  Hoarders are often socially withdrawn and isolated with hoarding seen as a type of comfort.

Research continues.  In a world awash in anxiety, fear, worry and accumulation of things as a type of coping mechanism, the need to manage feelings by accumulating items continues to grow.  Hoarding doesn’t just include inanimate objects, but can include animals.  E.g., dogs, cats, birds, the list is endless.

“A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.”

– Mark Twain

What can be done to address hoarding disorder?

Psychotherapy, also called talk therapy, is an effective treatment.  Cognitive Behaviour Therapy in particular has been shown to be very successful.  Seek out a qualified and reputable therapist with experience in treating hoarding disorder.

As part of cognitive behavioural therapy, you may:

  • Learn to identify and challenge thoughts and core beliefs related to the acquiring and saving of items.  What are the thinking errors.
  • Learn to question and resist the urge/need to acquire more things.
  • Learn to organise and categorize possessions to help you decide which ones to keep and which to discard.  “The decluttering process.”
  • Work on and improve your coping and decision-making skills.
  • Use in-home visits by a therapist or professional organizer to help you declutter your home.
  • Reduce the isolation and increase social involvement with more meaningful activities.
  • Learn strategies to enhance motivation for change.
  • Use periodic visits/ongoing treatment to keep you on track and reinforce healthy habits.
  • Treatment may involve assistance from family, friends and agencies to help with the removal of clutter.  This is particularly the case for the elderly who may be struggling with medical conditions that make it difficult to maintain momentum or motivation.

What are some self help strategies for Hoarding Disorder to place in the toolbox?

  1. Get the facts about stress and anxiety.  Both are a matter of managing rather than elimination in your life.  The resources you rely on are both internal (thoughts and feelings) and external (friends, family, environment) and how we interact with these.
    Once you can identify the triggers (event), and name the problem (thoughts, feelings, behaviours), you can begin to deal with it (interventions).
  2. Learn about hoarding.  It’s about acquiring stuff, getting rid of existing items, both of which lead to feelings of anxiety and extreme distress.  It may reduce contact with the outside world, impact on employment, and general functioning for the person.
  3. Build a toolbox of strategies.  Understand the factors that add to your hoarding problem.  What are the reasons?  Is there the sentimentality aspect, the guilt in not giving away ‘family heirlooms’, the related beliefs attached to personal items.  Perhaps your family had strong views about waste versus use.  Many people struggle with decision making, categorization, and poor problem solving.
    With this struggle in play certain behaviour patterns occur and are reinforced.  Consider the following:
    Get motivated – it needs to be cultivated.  Identify your thoughts and beliefs.  Look at the reasons to change your behaviour.  What will you gain?Look to the future.  What will your life be like?  If you don’t change what will happen? Get Organised:  Baby steps, measurable goals, avoid distractions, be flexible. Be systematic – use the OHIO principle.  “Only Handle It Once”.
    a. Handle
    b. Determine its outcome
    c. Place into a category/location.

    The locations/categories may consist of :
    Area 1 – Keep
    Area 2 – Sell
    Area 3 – Charity

    Garage sales using the help of good friends can earn you some cash to put towards a well deserved holiday, or boost your funds for creative endeavours.
    The money could go towards relieving the stress of unexpected bills and then there are the gifts to charity; volunteers will welcome donations.  There are some wonderful books and tips by the declutter expert, Peter Walsh.  Peter’s hints are easily accessible on the internet.  He is an empathetic man who understands the milestones – the highs, lows and the passing down of family memories/memorabilia.  A good book of his is…Let it Go. Downsizing Your Way to a Richer, Happier Life.  Peter Wash…2017 

  4. Continue to practise your successes.  Managing Hoarding Disorder take hard work and commitment.  Take some time to give yourself credit for a job well done.  Be kind to yourself as you take those small steps to change.  Practice your new-found skills, and remember, there are people out there in your community who can help you in the journey to change and wellbeing.

“Simplicity.  Identify the essential. 

Eliminate the rest.”

– Leo Babauta

The Healthy Relationship Bill of Rights

The Healthy Relationship Bill of Rights

by | Aug 24, 2017 | Positive Relationships

THE RIGHT TO INDIVIDUALITY

As a member of a healthy relationship, I have the right to be the same person I was
before we began dating. I should not have to adjust any inherent part of myself to
make you happy.

THE RIGHT TO PRIVACY

As a member of a healthy relationship, I have the right to my own private space. I
do not have to do anything I feel violates the boundaries I surrounded said space
with, which may include, but is not limited to, giving up my passwords to my email,
social media accounts, or phone and sharing secrets I am not ready to share. If I
choose to do any of these things it should be when I feel comfortable and when you
have earned my trust, not when you decide I have to.

THE RIGHT TO GROW AND CHANGE

As a member of a healthy relationship, I have the right to as many personal
metamorphoses as I deem necessary to become the person I most want to be. This
may include: becoming healthier, being more outspoken, going out less, going out
more, going back to study, and so on. So long as my right to grow and change does
not infringe on your personal freedoms, you should not attempt to decelerate the
rate at which I develop.

THE RIGHT TO MAINTAIN OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

As a member of a healthy relationship, I have the right to care for relationships
outside of our own; with friends, with family, with my career, etc. Although my
relationship with you is important and you are an important person in my life, I also
have other people and things in my life that hold value.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY ‘NO’; TO DISAGREE

As a member of a healthy relationship, I have the right to say ‘no’ and hold opinions
contrary to yours. I am allowed to say ‘no’ when you want my answer to be ‘yes’. I
am allowed to disagree with you on certain issues. I am allowed to stand firm on
these declarations.

THE RIGHT TO PUT MYSELF FIRST

As a member of a healthy relationship, I have the right to, when necessary, place
my own needs before yours. There will be times throughout the course of this

relationship in which I may have to be selfish. Sometimes I will have to step away
from an argument even though you want to talk because I need a mental break
from the fight. I will confide in you of my need to do so. Other times I will have to
sit out a social gathering even though you want us both to go because I am just not
feeling up to it. Whatever the case may be, there will be times I will – for the sake
of my sanity – need to be selfish.

THE RIGHT TO LIVE FREE FROM ABUSE

As a member of a healthy relationship, I have the right to live free from abuse of
any kind; be it emotional, physical, verbal, sexual, psychological, social or financial
deprivation.

THE RIGHT TO BE TREATED AS AN EQUAL

As a member of a healthy relationship, I have the right to be treated the way that
you want to be treated. I am your partner, not your child or subordinate.

THE RIGHT TO LOVE AND BE LOVED

As a member of a healthy relationship, I have the right to express my love for you
with every fibre of my being, albeit in a normal, non-toxic way. I have the right and
expectation that love is a reciprocal process. Love that is respectful, patient and
tolerant of the other’s differences.

THE RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

As a member of a healthy relationship, I have the right to live a life that is full of joy,
laughter and warmth.

With thanks to theodysseyonline.com/healthy-relationship- bill-rights for their valued
insight into healthy relationships.