The Microbiome Connection of Mind

The Microbiome Connection of Mind

by | Jul 5, 2022 | Uncategorized

After a life time of work, Hippocrates concluded…

”all disease begins in the gut.”

What do we mean by Microbiome?

Microbiome refers to the trillions of bacteria ie microorganisms or microbes that live in our gastrointestinal tract, hair and skin. These bacteria (100 trillion living in our body) impact on our overall health and are pivotal to enjoying good health. The gut microbiome is a vast ecosystem of organisms such as bacteria, yeasts, fungi, viruses and protozoans that live in our digestive pipes, which collectively weigh up to 2kg (heavier than the average brain). The genetic material they contain is just as important as the DNA we inherit and may influence our predisposition and susceptibility to certain diseases. The imbalance that occurs can be found in patients who suffer from ‘stomach complaints.’ Consider celiac disease, inflammatory bowel disease, inflammatory bowel syndrome, and other manifestations in the wider system such as Type 2 diabetes, and obesity. Our microbial ‘residents’ train our immune systems to distinguish between friend and foe. They also weed out pathogens, help our bodies absorb nutrients, and neutralise cancer causing compounds etc.

What else has come to light about our Microbiome and good mental  health? 

OK, so we get it that the microbes affect our stomach, bowel, weight and diabetes.  What is now coming to light is the important connection that the gut microbiome  interacts with the central nervous system and immune system, influencing weight  regulation and psychopathology, such as anxiety and depression. Studies have  shown a connection of gut health (or lack thereof) and the role of neurotransmitters in sending messages to the brain. Early studies have shown that the introduction of  probiotics has been found to assist in countering Anorexia nervosa, Obsessive compulsive disorder, Obesity (Type 2 diabetes), controlling blood sugar, leaking gut  and the outcome in gut composition and even alcohol dependency. The other  important studies have shown the impact of microbiome on cognitive functioning  and the central nervous system and major depressive disorders. The studies have a  major part to play in understanding the high co-morbidity rate between psychiatric  disorders and gut health. Gut wellbeing also influences mood and anxiety. Other  studies also concur that the timely introduction of probiotics may well produce a  positive outcome in combating mood disorders. 

In the case of patients with celiac disease, by optimizing and balancing the  microbiome through changes in diet ie gluten-free, the use of targeted probiotics  and in severe cases possibly the process of faecal transplants is proving beneficial.  The future is looking more optimistic. 

By balancing and optimizing the microbiome, it may also decrease the risk of other  autoimmune diseases, such as thyroid disease, that occur more commonly in people  with celiac disease.

Optimizing microbiome by diet…. 

Effective treatments to modulate the microbiome are in development, but until then  there are things we can do to optimize it on our own…

  1. Diet: Plant based, free of processed foods, reduced meat consumption.  Including cultured or fermented foods to improve intestinal health by  providing natural forms of probiotics. Go nuts! Nuts help mood. Include  herbs and spices particularly turmeric and saffron. Fats are your friend – healthy fats that is. Think Omega-3s, fish and lean meat. Avoid sweeteners  and additivies. Sugar is now referred to as ‘sweet poison’ because of its  addictiveness, the effects it has on promoting hunger and increasing fat to  the internal organs particularly the liver, and influences overall body mass.
  2. Exercise: Works to our advantage improving microbiome. A goal of 30-45  minutes daily. If that seems unachievable…then look at shorter workouts to  boost the metabolism. Maybe several high intensity bursts of 20 seconds with  short rest intervals. Do warm ups before and cool down after each set of  exercises. Walking is a great way to improve physical and emotional  wellbeing. Don’t forget social interaction for good mental health.
  3. Sleep: No distractions in the bedroom, and if possible, no alcohol  consumption in the evening, and consider relaxation exercises before closing  your eyes for the night
  4. Stress management: Introduce stress reduction techniques to boost good  microbiome diversity.
  5. Weight management: Try to maintain a healthy weight to promote healthy  microbiome. The evidence supports this in fostering good mental and  physical health.
  6. Probiotics and prebiotics: These can be used to manipulate the composition  of the microbiome. By using targeted or specific formulations for specific disease states this will support the importance of good health. Seek a  medical practitioner or dietician’s advice on this.So, what’s the difference  between the two ie Probiotics and prebiotics and how do I introduce these  into my diet? Probiotics are ‘living’ friendly bacteria found in cultured,  fermented foods. Eg. yoghurt, aged cheese, sauerkraut, sourdough bread, miso, tempeh, kembucha, also available in supplement form. Prebiotics are  ‘non-living’ foods eg. legumes, whole wheat products, garlic, onions and  cabbage/kale. 


    It’s still early days in the research on Mind-Gut connections, but three books that  may motivate you to start the journey to understanding the importance of good gut  health and good mental health could include…. 

  • The Mind-Gut Connection….Emeran Mayer, MD 
  • A Fat Lot of Good…. Dr. Peter Brukner 
  • The Complete Gut Health Cookbook ….Peter Evans  

“Let food be your medicine” ….Hippocrates

    How to Handle Toxic People/Family Members?

    How to Handle Toxic People/Family Members?

    by | Jun 2, 2022 | Positive People

    Atticus: “You can choose your friends, but you sho’ can’t choose your family.”
    …To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee).

    Toxic friends? Time to break away. Toxic co-workers? Steer clear. What about when it’s a toxic family member? Well, they bring a whole new meaning to the term  ‘nuclear family.’ 

    They say (bad) apples don’t fall far from the (family) tree, but that doesn’t mean you  have to let their toxins spread from one branch to another. 
    It’s never easy when dealing with difficult people, family or not. 
    Strategies for dealing with toxic people/family members may include….

    1. Get Clarity

    Time for a reality check particularly when we’re blinded by optimism. We  may overlook their latest shenanigans because we want to keep the peace  and smooth things over. We find ourselves making excuses for unacceptable  behaviour under the guise of hope. “Things will get better when…” We are  loyal because they’re blood.  

    We are often blinded to the reality of long harboured resentments, or possibly  because we, or they are holding a grudge which holds no bearing on the  present and is an issue of the past. 

    They are broke and you can’t fix them. 
    You can only operate from your own moral compass. 

    Start to see things as they really are. A helpful way to do this is to make a  list. On one side, write down the good times – where there was support, they  came through for you, and you felt loved. On the other side, write down the  bad times – the times they hurt you, ignored you when you needed help,  actively undermined you, or tried to control you. Look at the frequency and  magnitude.  

    Seeing your interactions in black and white can help you determine whether  your relationship deserves to be thrown a life line, or is essentially a dead  duck in the water.

    2. Rewrite your part in the family script/drama… 

    Decide what your role was/is to be in the relationship. If you’re in a family  melodrama, maybe it’s time to play another part. Rewrite your  role/responses in the family drama. For example “cut” the action scene,  change your assigned role from victim to survivor/thriver. Set limits on  negative, inappropriate behaviours. This is your life’s story…rewrite the script  and ensure ‘the players’ understand boundaries. 

    Never allow someone to be your priority
    while allowing yourself to be their option. 
    …Mark Twain 

    3. Set and stick to boundaries.

    Test out the new rules of engagement… Toxic families/people are like a bush fire – they need to be contained by  drawing some lines. There are many ways to contain how you interact with  them; we can set limits on the size of the group, duration of contact, location  and more. For instance, with families…visit but stay at a motel, participate in  big events rather than intimate gatherings. Emails/texts, if it’s a ‘rant’ ..delete  the text; long drawn out phone calls – make them short and if it’s abusive or  accusatorial in nature…hang up. Yes, hang up! Nothing delivers a stronger  message! Rather, attend to relationships that you value, foster the positives  in your life.  

    Do your best to see your toxic family member’s children or spouse without  having them present if need be. Remember it’s not the innocent parties that  are at fault for an adult/parent behaving badly. Ensure you have backup  support and don’t go it alone. Often a strategy applied by a toxic person is to  ‘divide and conquer.’ Choose a neutral setting.  

    The first thing you need to learn is that  
    the person who is angry at you for setting boundaries is  
    the one with the problem . 
    …H. Cloud and Townsend 

    4. Surfing the wave. It’s OK to take time out… 

    Family dramas usually come in predicable waves – holidays, special family  events. Once you know the pattern, you can plan. Take extra care of  yourself during the height of the storm. You may seek out calmer waters,  find a support through the storm or seek shelter and ‘batten down the  hatches.’ If your sanctuary is under threat, evict the trouble maker.

    5. Cutting ties – short term or long term… 

    Estrangement is not uncommon, but strangely most people keep it hidden.  It’s drastic, but sometimes it’s the best thing to do. It can be triggered by  true injustices, or sometimes for petty reasons that no one can remember. 

    In a study of 900 estranged families the most common reasons for animosity  and separation were… 

    1) A sense of entitlement by sons/daughters, most often demanding money.
    2) ‘Objectionable relationships’ like opposing a child’s partner, or ‘bad  influences’ etc. 
    3) Toxic behaviour ie continual situations of cruelty, anger, or perpetual  disrespect. 
    4) Adult kids may cut ties when they feel unaccepted or rejected using the  old standby ‘irreconcilable differences.’ 

    Regardless of how or why it is initiated, estrangement drives mixed  emotions.. 
    – Feelings of being conflicted 
    – Possible sense of relief, but then there may be the feeling of sadness or  grief. 

    If someone is mistreating you and tells you 
    that they haven’t done anything ‘wrong’  
    listen to them. They are telling you 
    they are going to continue. 
    … Jennifer Deisher 

    Some people won’t change, refuse to listen, or just twist your words and throw them  back at you. When this happens, distance is the way to go. After all, when a toxic  person/family member overwhelms your life with their issues, it’s OK to cancel your  subscription. 

    Not my circus, not my monkeys 
    … Polish saying 

    Understand that the person or family member’s drama is theirs alone, their behaviors likewise. Stepping away from the drama doesn’t make you a bad  person. It’s great to be a support system for your family, colleague etc, but it’s  equally important that you are taking care of your own needs in the process, and  being treated with dignity and respect. We are all entitled to that in life.

    Additional article for reading… How to Spot and Stop Manipulators Psychology Today 

    Books:
    Taming Toxic People … David Gillespie
    Disarming the narcissist … Wendy T. Behary

     

    Positive Strategies To Boost Confidence and Self Esteem

    Positive Strategies To Boost Confidence and Self Esteem

    by | Jun 25, 2018 | Positive People

    self confidence relationships and lifeskills

    “Nothing builds self esteem and self confidence like accomplishment.”

    -Thomas Carlyle

    Low self esteem (and lack of confidence) can be deeply rooted in.. traumatic life experiences, ill health and negative life events.  All can lead to a lack of self control.

    Additionally, where discrimination in all it forms is experienced, this too can lead to a crash in self confidence and self esteem.

    “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”

    -Peggy O’Mara

    The link or relationship between low self esteem, mental health and dis-ease is a complex matter, often exhibited in forms of depression and may manifest in other disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder.  

    People who experience low self esteem/confidence often view the world as a hostile place, and in turn view themselves as victims of this hostility.  For some individuals this may lead to a withdraw from social interaction, feelings of powerlessness to change their circumstances, and at worst a spiral further into ‘the abyss,’ of despondency,  feeling lost and broken.

    Fortunately, there are strategies that can be implemented quite easily, and help ie good counselling is also readily available.  

    For the moment, let’s look at some strategies to address these challenges to a positive life.  Gradually introduce some of these into your daily life and try to practice them regularly until they become ‘second nature.’  By remaining objective will help with the transition process.

    F.L.Y.    First Love Yourself.  Others will come next.

    20 Strategies to boost self esteem and self confidence:

    1. Think positively about yourself and the world.  Everyone has positive qualities.  You have the right to be accepted, respected and valued.
    2. Draw up two lists –
      • 1) Personal Strengths    
      • 2) Personal Achievements
        Use your circle of friends (or people you admire) to contribute, provide support and feedback in carrying out of this task.
    3. Challenge the distorted views/opinions you or others have of you.  Where’s the evidence to support such distorted views/opinions?  Quite often individuals repeat patterns of negative thought. Halt the ruminations and call it for what it is.  For example, “The Old Hag” of putdowns has appeared. Visualize and plan 100 ways (..OK maybe 10) to deal with this intrusive “Old Hag.”  Visualize running her down in a car, pushing her out of a plane (no parachute), flushing her down the toilet…. You get my drift!
    4. Eat healthily – Strive for a balanced diet.  Eat slowly and mindfully, in peace and with no distractions.  Recognise that alcohol must be controlled. Alcohol may dull the pain initially but the outcome is that it acts as a depressant leaving you feeling flat and despondent.
    5. Occupy your mind with creative/artistic endeavours – follow your passions, learn new skills.  Do the things you enjoy. It’s time to bring some joy to your life.
    6. Exercise regularly eg. walking, cycling and some vigorous exercise (to make you sweat).  Not only will you feel better for it (after the initial aches and pains) but you’ll find your clothes just look better on you somehow.
    7. Take pride in your personal appearance and practice good hygiene.  A bath or shower gives one a chance to wash away the concerns of the day.  Water therapy has many beneficial properties to it. Clean clothes (ironed skirt/shirt) help you to be more prepared to meet the day.  It says “I care about myself.”
    8. Ensure you get enough sleep.  Avoid caffeine and alcohol at night.  No TV in the bedroom. Maintain a strict bedtime routine.  End your thoughts on a positive note. Still the ruminating mind with “Time to sleep and I’m going to dream happy dreams.”
    9. Manage your stress levels.  Walk, meet friends, see an uplifting movie, or simply get a massage.  It’s time to nurture and be kind to yourself.

      “Inhale Confidence…Exhale Doubt.”

    10. Give your home/apartment a makeover.  Declutter, tend to the garden or buy some new pieces for your home.  It doesn’t have to be expensive, just little things.
    11. Count your blessings.  Yes, there are some! Go out and meet or observe people in the shopping arcade or café.  You will see mothers with their children, seniors laughing, smiling and enjoying the company of friends.  Life may have its challenges, but the beauty of life is in the small details. Strike up a conversation. Talk to the person sitting on the bench with their dog.
    12. Do some volunteer work.  So many would welcome your assistance and company.  It’s a great way to make new friends and form special bonds.
    13. Make an effort to stay in touch with loved ones.  We have a history, we have a present and a future.  Keeping in touch with friends/loved ones is one of the great joys in life.  
    14. Avoid people that treat you badly and places that make you feel uncomfortable or those that make you question your value.  Life is too short.  You choose what you want/don’t want in your newly defined life;  it’s direction and destination.

      “Feelings are much like waves, we cannot stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.” –Jonatan Martensson

    15. Surround yourself with positive people.  Have you ever noticed how people gravitate towards positive, optimistic and happy people?  It is contagious. We learn to model ourselves on others, make yours constructive rather than destructive.  
    16. Practice positive self talk.  Encourage and train your brain to focus on positive ideas, images and beliefs.  When negativity creeps in, reframe your thoughts, create another ‘lens’ to view the situation using strengths, capabilities and positivity.  
    17. You control the power to change your brain.  Neuroplasticity ie the brain changing throughout life through reorganisation of structure, function and connections.  Through this process new pathways are created in the brain which affect behaviour. When negative or invasive thoughts begin…consider using:
      • Actions :   Stomping, shaking your hands
      • Symbols: Write a mistake on a piece of paper and burn it.
        Stop thinking about failure and your brain stops treating you as a failure.
    18. Create achievable goals that guarantee personal/relationship success.
    19. Practice, practice, practice.  Ensure you are prepared and try again.  Repetition of good habits, effective communication and self validating self talk must be practiced.  Don’t give up.
    20. Fear stops us from taking Action.  Fear can be complicated.  There’s the defence mechanisms ..Fight, Flight or Freeze.  Recognise that these feelings are not real, they are a reaction.  Familiarize yourself with your fear triggers. Talk about it (self talk) and seek guidance from someone you admire and respect.  Ask yourself “Where’s the evidence?” Seek counsel about your concerns. Set yourself up for success rather than the negative action of thinking about mistakes.  Become solution focused and future directed. It’s time to go from Victim -> Survivor –> to…Thriver!

    “Health is the greatest possession.  Contentment is the greatest treasure.  Confidence is the greatest friend.”
    -Lao Tzu

    Positive Strategies For Repairing The Void In Your Relationship

    Positive Strategies For Repairing The Void In Your Relationship

    by | Jun 25, 2018 | Positive Relationships

    “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old but on building the new.”

    -Socrates

    When going through a rough patch in a relationship (often occasioned by a health scare), a dry spell may occur or become the prevailing climate.  The desert may begin to seem too vast to cross. What can be done to end the drought?

    Rejection may be the overall concern in the relationship.  Suspending sex may not be all that uncommon for a couple.  Addressing the fears or grudges that are keeping intimacy at bay are essential.  Slowly introducing physical contact will be one of the strategies.

    Step by step methods …

    1. Make contact – hold hands when having discussions.  You’ll find physical connection calming.  It forges a bond that mere words cannot. Eye contact is essential.  Eyes are the window to the soul.
    2. Take it easy – Start the conversation with kind and loving language.  Say how much you love your partner, how attractive she or he is, how much you’re looking forward to touching (and being touched by) him or her.  Explain that you would like to start with cuddling and then progress gradually (once cuddling has been established comfortably) to massage. A little snuggling should make an easy first step for both parties.
    3. Try nonsexual massage – Experiment with ‘sensate focus’ – A Masters and Johnson technique in which one partner gently strokes the other’s naked body, back and front, each person learning how to touch and be touched in return.  Obtain feedback on what feels good. However, there is to be no attempt to arouse the other person with genital touching. Instead, the goal is a sensual experience that builds trust (and comfort with physical interaction).  Do as many sessions as you need to feel comfortable – and find yourself craving more.

      “Trust is the glue of life.
      It is the most essential ingredient in effective communication.
      It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”
      -Stephen Covey

    4. Courting –  Flirt with each other during the day or at dinner out.  Say nice, positive things about the sensate-focus exercises.  Put on music. Dress up. Drink a glass of something festive. Set a positive mood.
    5. HEAL – Loving relationships are one of the greatest sources of happiness and meaning for couples, and for human beings generally.  It takes two to keep love and caring alive for the long distance. Melanie Greenberg developed the HEAL technique to repair damaged relationships by replacing defensive self-protection with compassionate presence and loving connection
      • Hear – Make an effort to stay mentally present and to listen to your partner.Open your heart and take down your defenses.  It’s about understanding your partner and learning to fulfil each other’s needs.  Listening is beyond words, it is also about nonverbal signs of emotions. The best way to soothe an angry partner is to let him/her know that you hear and accept their unmet needs and are willing to make changes to help meet them.
      • Empathize – Allow your partner’s experience to deeply affect you.  Check in on your and his/her emotions. Search beneath the surface for the softer, tender feelings.  For example, expressed anger often has an underlying level of feeling stuck, sad, or lonely. Staying emotionally engaged rather than ‘trying to fix it’ and expressing compassion can provide healing comfort and connection.  So often this is what we all need.
      • Act – Take action to address concerns and show willingness to change.Commit to intentional action to address your partner’s needs and concerns.  These actions may be hands on like washing dishes, calling your partner during the day to let him/her know you are thinking of them, spending less money because it makes the other anxious.  Create a positive cycle in which appreciation, being valued and respected are reinforced. It’s not about being perfect, but more the fact that you care and are trying to change so that validation of the person/relationship occurs.
      • Love – Feel and express unconditional love.  Make space in your life to deliberately reconnect with the loving feelings you have for your partner.  Think of what brought you two together, the feelings that the other aroused in you on all levels, ie psychologically, emotionally, physically.  Perhaps look at old photos or visualize special times in your relationship and the hopes and dreams you had together. Can you find a way to forgive yourself and your partner for the mistakes you have both made that got you off track?  What do these feelings of love motivate you to do? Maybe you want to reach out and express your love and affection with action, and this may not initially be sexually, but rather doing something generous like preparing a meal or writing a note.  Love is defined as a concern for another’s wellbeing and a warm feeling you have towards another. Do not make your expressions of love contingent on what your partner does/should do. Rather, reach out and express unconditional caring, support, understanding and forgiveness. 
    6. Reinvigorate your relationship connection – Boredom or endless routine plays an important role in declining marital satisfaction, as it is often a precursor to dissatisfaction.  It’s not just conflict that you need to pay attention to but levels of engagement. Remember how you felt when you first met your partner, the joy of discovering what he/she was like.  Day to day distractions, and stresses often stop us from enjoying the simple pleasures of conversation that bring us closer. Personal disclosure is the basis for connecting in the first place, so don’t abandon or forget that there are still so many dimensions to your partner that you are not aware of.  
    7. Stop relational patterns in their tracks.  “The same old same old” is what one man brought up dismissively of the concerns his partner raised in conversation.  This interaction is often referred to as “demand/withdrawal” and is a relationship killer of the highest order, and often leads to the end of a relationship.  It is time to recognize the pattern and work at stopping it, ideally in a moment of calm, not agitation.
      3 part process for reducing the spiral downwards and reducing hostility:

      • Stop the spiral before it starts.  Recognise the predictable triggers… stop and take a break, remain calm, aim for a compromise.
      • Work on expressing yourself in ways that won’t lead to escalation.  Substitute less inflammatory words and do not launch into personal attacks.  Address the behaviour instead. For example “I’m bothered by this decision, can we discuss it, and why you feel that it is the only solution?  Maybe together, if needed, we could explore other possibilities?”
      • It is important for both partners to ‘get a handle’ on negative emotions, distortions in automatic thoughts, and how to regain self control so that conflict can be reduced.  Use the ‘sandwich method’ of communication. The two layers of bread are the positives and the filling the major concern. Always end on a positive note. “It’s been a difficult road for you over the past few months, and being able to talk about it has been too painful.  I just want you to know that I’m here for you, and I love you. Together we can share the pain and work at finding a better path.”

        “Do what you did in the beginning of the relationship, and there won’t be an end.” – Nelson Mandela

    8. Acknowledge your differences –  Talk about your differences in a spirit of reconciliation.  Find ‘the glory’ in your relationship, derive strength and meaning in your differences.
    9. Increase commitment –  Try and consciously cut down on the behaviours that diminish your sense of commitment to the relationship.  Touch, forgiveness, tolerance, trust, enjoyment, laughter and love must be practiced to ensure that the quality of the relationship is maintained.  
    10. Gratitude – Expressing gratitude enhances not only relationships, but also expands the person’s concept of what makes for a nurturing, and positive relationship.  The expression of gratitude is both a communication with the other and the self; it reduces dissonance and cements our feelings about the good parts of our connection.
    11. Home is where the heart is – Home is to be your sanctuary.  It is a place where the worries and dramas of the day are left at the door.  Enter into a world of love, peace and harmony. This may seem a tall order, but by being focused on calmness it is achievable.  Children also benefit from this understanding. Practice tolerance, mindfulness and feeling at ease. Relationships have enough pressures from daily life without coming home to a battle ground.  All will benefit from this resolution, to make life less demanding and complicated and where home remains ‘off limits’ to the ceaseless demands of daily life and perceived expectations.

    “In the end we always run back to the ones that feel like home.
    The ones who provide our hearts with sanctuary, the ones that make us feel.”

    -Billy Chapata

    Resilient Children Through Positive Parenting

    Resilient Children Through Positive Parenting

    by | Aug 24, 2017 | Positive People

    Parenting is as crazy as circumnavigating the world without a map…but, oh, what a journey!

    Parenting has never been more challenging than now.  Living in a fast-paced, hectic world with combined challenges of such things as new technology, rapidly changing family dynamics, a 24/7 news cycle and an overwhelming educational system – all these in combination raise unrealistic expectations in individuals and parents. 

    What are some of the challenges faced by parents?

    • Balancing parenthood and career and finding time to do justice to both.
    • Disciplining children effectively.
    • Promoting and guarding independence in children – a fine line in an often dangerous world.
    • The costs of raising children in an uncertain economic climate.
    • Being a single/sole parent and having enough support/help.
    • Ensuring that children receive a good, quality education.
    • Reigning in unreasonable expectations of parents and children themselves.
    • Dealing with bedtime routines and the ensuing hassles.
    • Managing consumerism in today’s consumer-centric society.
    • Fostering and also guarding against technological influences.

    “Kids are like a mirror, what they see and hear they do. Be a good reflection for them.”

    -K. Heath

    Sharing some of the insights on parenting…

    1. Even though there is a parents’ knowledge, often as a parent there is the  letting go of personal judgement ie. the forgetting that “parenting is a role, not a race to the finish line.”
    2. Children need to be respected for being the individuals that they are with differing abilities and interests.
    3. Our social relationships/connections are the biggest predictors of life satisfaction.  This is achieved through ‘empathy’ –a parent’s ability to raise children in tribes and settings where playtime is fostered to enhance social learning, creativity and understanding.
    4. Questioning whether ‘scheduling’ children so that they are kept busy and thereby becoming the best at their endeavours, is acting in their best interests. Whose expectations are being met?
    5. Are the decisions on ‘inclusion’ being made out of a sense of anxiety and guilt?
    6. In this arena of competitive parenting are parents’ expectations and the ‘bars’ of what constitutes ‘success’ being set too high?
    7. Children need to have the freedom to be just that, children.  In the parent’s efforts to hyper-parent, studies indicate that it can lead to depression and has destructive consequences in adolescents.
    8. Happiness for your children has no curriculum and is reliant on so many things which are different for each child/individual.
    9. As a parent the very best that can be done is to protect, support and love your children, unconditionally.
    10. Whilst technology shouldn’t be discouraged, it does require vigilance and children being taught responsibility to use these tools wisely.  The goal in doing so is to increase education and skills acquisition.  Checking text histories and setting parental controls should be enforced, as does age restrictions to access certain networks.
    11. Older generations will argue technology is destroying conversation; younger generations will argue technology is enhancing it.  It really shouldn’t be an either, or, debate.  Both have a place in a fast changing world.  Creating safe opportunities where both come into play is the desired outcome, while respect of the person is maintained.
    12. Technology can be used for consumption and creative, or destructive endeavours.  Helping children to know the difference is a parent’s responsibility in raising healthy, well adjusted and resilient children.
    13. Self worth should never be calculated by ‘likes, shares and retweets.’  Self worth is to be found elsewhere in how individuals/or a child treats others in their family, social network and the community generally.
    14. Children should not believe everything that they see or read on the internet.  There is the façade of happiness and success with the compulsion towards consumerism being the ultimate goals in life or measure of personal self worth.

    Recently an article was brought to my attention and it was disturbing reading to say the very least.  In ‘The silent tragedy affecting today’s children’ written by Victoria Prooday, Occupational Therapist, May 24, 2017, Victoria highlights that there is a steady increase in children’s mental illness, which is now reaching epidemic proportions.

    Researchers (over a 15 year period of studies) concluded that children continue to live and exist in a devastating state emotionally.

    • 1 in 5 children has mental health problems
    • 43% increase in ADHD
    • 37% increase in teen depression
    • 200% increase in the suicide rate in children 10-14 years old

    The good news is that it has been scientifically proven that the brain has the capacity to rewire itself through the environment.  ‘Unfortunately, with the environment and parenting styles that we are providing to our children we are rewiring their brains in a wrong direction and contributing to their challenges in everyday life.’

    What is wrong?

    Basically, what has been stated above is reinforced in Victoria’s article.  There were some points that are worth noting as being fundamental to raising healthy children…

    • Emotionally available parents
    • Responsibilities
    • Balanced nutrition and adequate sleep
    • Movement outdoors
    • Creative play, social interaction, opportunities for unstructured times and boredom

    Victoria adds…

    Instead, children are being served with:

    • Digitally distracted parents
    • Indulgent parents who let kids “Rule the world”
    • Sense of entitlement rather than responsibility
    • Inadequate sleep and unbalanced nutrition
    • Sedentary indoor lifestyle
    • Endless stimulation, technological babysitters, instant gratification, and absence of dull moments

    Are you feeling the heat yet?

    Relax.  You know, parents who are emotionally available is the primary consideration in good parenting.  The other issues on the checklist as mentioned above could be introduced fairly quickly.  There is nothing that can’t be addressed without some thought and preparation.

    Suggestions include…

    • Spend one hour a day in the outdoors: walking, biking, playing in the park, watching the birds/insects, dogs at play.  It’s all about communicating enthusiastically with the children.
    • Play a board game daily if possible.  Reading is a winner as it fosters enquiry, imagination,  and promotes reading skills – particularly if each takes turns in reading out loud.  
    • Enjoy a daily technology-free family dinner.  This is family time to talk about what’s happened – check-in-time for family wellbeing.
    • Involve children in family chores – they need to be responsible for some aspect of the running of a household.  Examples could be… folding laundry, hanging clothes, unpacking groceries, packing away toys, drying of dishes. An important chore is feeding the pets….it’s so important to raise children appreciating the role of the family pet, the need for kindness and love.
    • Implement a consistent night time/sleep routine with no technology access available in the room.
    • In a bid to foster responsibility and independence, children need to learn skills so that they can overcome the challenges that life brings – the small ones leading to the greater ones.
      • Children to pack and carry their own backpack
      • If a child hasn’t packed in their lunch, don’t rush to school with it (your child won’t die of starvation or malnutrition).
        You could have a contingency plan is case this occurs where your child approaches the teacher or tuckshop attendant. Peeling a banana for a 5 year old isn’t teaching them skills.
    • Boredom is the time when creativity is awakened.  It’s OK for children to experience this…delayed gratification isn’t a crime.
    • Avoid technology during meals, in the car, restaurants and shopping malls.  It’s time to foster the senses, take in the sights, sounds, smells, the steady movement of the people.    This sharpens observation skills.
    • Parent’s are not their child’s entertainment crew.  Nurture creativity, imagination, planning through to the execution stage of projects.
    • Being a child’s emotional coach is what is needed desperately today.  Teaching children to recognise and deal with frustration and anger properly, learning social etiquette – greetings, sharing, table manners, and conversation skills.  Learning how to connect emotionally – hugs, kisses, smiles, tickles, dancing, jumping – physical hands-on connections.

    “Treat a child as though he already is the person he’s capable of becoming.”

    -Haim Ginott

    The final word on developing resilience in children –

    Out of home activities which include volunteering, playing sport, doing paid and unpaid work encourages resilience in children.  Groundbreaking research in the US (Yale University) has shown that families can reduce the impact of adverse events such as divorce, family violence, and death by developing children’s skills and experiences outside the home.  

    The survey author, Dr. Tammie Kwong, who drew on a survey of 63,000 boys and girls, found that one in three children aged 12-17 were flourishing, despite facing three or more adverse events.  The difference was the time they spent on activities outside home.  

    According to Dr. Kwong, “Positive social connections appear to help youths define individual identities, provide them with a sense of belonging and attachment, and offer important opportunities to learn healthy adaptive responses to adverse experiences.”

    Leading Australian psychologist, Jodie Benveniste would most likely concur with these findings and states “..introducing children to new people and situations, helps them develop new skills and capabilities.”

    “Trust yourself.  You know more than you think you do.”

    -Benjamin Spock

    Parents are the sun, moon and stars to their children.  The planets, comets and stars beyond the galaxy are their social connections.  The journey has many challenges.. and the future awaits with new beginnings.